Do you ever wish sometimes that there was just more time in the day to do the things that you love? I honestly have been feeling that idea more than ever now approaching past our 1-year anniversary of COVID-19 and 2020: The “Socially Distanced” Year.
From taking these past few months off on a gap semester from college, I’ve really been able to focus my attention on myself as well as my job – but more importantly, my future. Ever since attending college, I’ve always loved being as involved as I was in student life, cheerleading, school spirit, social life/friends, and esports. However, looking back – how did I do that all and somehow manage holding 10 different involvements outside being a full-time college student and working a part-time job without overworking myself? What seemed to be an easy day-to-day life seems crazy to me now… but maybe that is just from the new “normal”. I mean hey, I *am* way more productive whenever I am not at home – and the normality of sitting in your bedroom all-day creates a mental toll when trying to determine the difference between work time, assignment time, and free time.
Now as I begin to start looking towards the fall semester for when I am set to return to UTD, as well as move onto the next chapter in my life, I begin to wonder what I’m going to be focusing more on: Esports and my career development, or Cheer/Student Life and living as a student. Both of two are my absolute favorite things to spend my free-time in the world doing, however in reality only one of them makes sense for me to pursue as I’m entering my Junior year in college and need to start focusing on my future.
Man do I wish there was more time. Do I wish I could simply not have to sleep the 6-8 hours in the day to spend hanging out with more friends, pursing my dream of being a content creator & streamer, working on my personality and talent, developing new marketing skills & techniques, traveling the world for photography, and just living life as a student.
The thought of that I am now having to make the decision between focusing on my career future vs. living as a student in the moment honestly just sucks. But what sucks maybe even more is probably fact that I’ve invested so many countless hours in the idea of school spirit for my university and honestly it all just seems to be for nothing. When I left this semester, who was there to keep spirits high? Who was there to continue to advocate for new student life needs? I mean, at the end of the day I did everything I could in my own hands to help make other students happier, feel more connected to UTD, and even on a larger scale – developed a marketing plan to rebrand the university to help create a new much-needed focus on student life (and overall increase student enrollment).
But honestly at this point, it just seems to be something where I’m constantly needing to prove myself, isn’t going to benefit me in the long-term, and is taking up free-time I could focus on my future, because at the end of the day what I spend investing in esports, professional skills, and myself is what’s going to be my “return” for my future (which truly just breaks my heart to admit). But hey, maybe that is my fault for being to attached to the things I do.
But on the other note… “grind culture” in the scene is stupid. The idea and misconception that you have to “grind & hustle 24/7” in being the best of the best to even just get an opportunity in the esports & gaming industry is so misleading, and unhealthy for students. Because at the end of the day, doing your best in your ability right now is what’s going to get you were you need to be in the future – not overworking yourself.
So, to the main point of writing this Twitter Long, the thinking of what my future is going to look like begins…